Cary Baker, No Testicle Chump

It seems that Florida residents have made popular a new car accessory. A hanging decoration designed to look like the scrotum of a bull and sometimes marketed under the label “Truck Nutz” is all the rage. One hangs them from the hitch of your pick-up or car in order to show that your particular track is male and “has a pair”.

Well,  Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches .

Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida, called the decorations offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the items.

Someone needs to let Mr. Baker know that these hallowed items are actually a representation of something that has been much venerated over time. The Milan Stock market is known as the “Borsa” and the Paris stock market is calledthe “Bourse”, both names derive from a late latin term for the scrotum of a bull. Why? Well, it seems it turns out that people found the skin made a perfect bag in which to carry money. Even in English, the term “purse” derives from the same piece of anatomy (yes, ma’am, I’m sure you are thinking of that when wondering if it will match with your favorite shoes). I do have to say that some people claim the word origin is the Van Der Beurze family of Bruges  who managed a warehouse and currency exchange in the medieval canaled city.

in any case, i could not testify (a wrod that comes from swearing one one’s family jewels in ancient Rome) as to which of the orgins is more accurate.

What I can easily attest to, however, is that Mr Cary is far too concerend with the decor of moving vehicles as a preoccupation of government. While he may be sporting a pair that allows him to waste govenremnt resources on such legislation, he certainly lacks a sense of humor which makes him todays Chumpzilla Award winner.

John McCain, Candidate Chump

Todays Chumpzilla award goes to Jumpin’ Johnny McCain and his MCcainiacs.

The presumptive Republican candidate was not even able to muster 73% of the Repbulican vote in the Pennsylvania primary (boo, hisss, fizzle).

This is despite the fact that the media has already crowned him and buried all the others. Mike (I ain’t gonna run no more) Huckabee came in over 11% and Ron Paul (who is still in the race and keeps grinning like he has some kind of magic card up his sleeve, hmm, just what is he planning?) came in with a closed primary best of 16%.

So Johnny wants us to believe that he can rally the national vote against the tattered remnant candidate that comes out of the Democratic convention. With all the chamr ofa sleeping Bob Dole and half the masculinity of Hillary, he is saving his money (since he now has taken fedral mactching funds) while Hillary fiddles and Obama burns. His total turnout in PA (a hotly contested state in the last few p-dentials) was just over half of what Obama got in a losing bid.

In any case, if we had Hill, Bama, And Johnny in a boat and the boat sank, we know who would be saved: America.

Maybe “Across the aisle Johnny” has already cut a deal with the democrat super delegates? After all, we know that popular votes are now what really coiunt, don’t we?

In any case,  with a turn out as luke warm as the milk of magnesia on his night table, John McCain gets our Chumpzilla award today. But if i were a bettin’ man , I’d say that come election day, the candidate for the Chumpzilla Award may just be the average American.

 

Senator Charles Grassley, Crusading Chump

Several months ago, Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa decided that the senate has a vested interest in removing the separation of church and state by calling on the fiscal investigation of 6 large churches preaching what has been called the “prosperity gospel.”

Loosely translated, the gospel claims that our kind deity not only holds untold benefits for the fateful in the afterlife, but also in the here and now. Sounds reasonable unless you look at the past history of the Almighty. After all, he gave his chosen people Israel when Hawaii or Tahiti were there for the taking. What is up with that?

In any case Senator Grassley gets this chump award, not so much for targeting these churches, who are all suspiciously of the same denomination, but because of where he got his guidance. You can almost always smell a chump when some begins to use words and has actions that are not consistent with his past activities.

Senator Chump has a very conservative voting record. Not one that you would normally align with a person who attacks churches. He has been the chairman of the finance e committee and is its ranking member (on a side note, maybe having a Chump there is why we our economy is in such great shape).

Suddenly, last fall he decides to attack 6 very Republican churches (Benny Hinn, Kennteh Copeland and others).. Churches that have always been stalwarts of helping the Republican cause even before compassionate conservatism became something you could buy on a t-shirt. I am not saying that these churches are in anyway without an sort of blemish or fault. That is not the point of my story here, I am just curious as to why a senator would suddenly focus on a group of churches that are all espousing a philosophy different than his own

So yours truly did a little research and sure enough, there is a power behind the Chump.

A group in Dallas , calling it self the Trinity group (the name comes from the fact that started in offices on Trinity street and not from any known faith issue) run by a cantankerous anti-churcher name Ole Anthony (Ole is pronounced Oh-Lee like in the Wisconsin or Minnesota OLE and LENA jokes that poke fun at people of Swedish descent as in “Lena , why don’t we take both cows out of the barn to count them?”). Anthony was lionized in a New Yorker article back in 2004. He publishes the anti-Christian magazine, The Door.

Seems they are not new to the dumpster diving business when it comes to taking on churches. Anthony claims he gave a “VW full of documents to Grassley’s office.”

What really struck me though is that Grassley did not take the time to find out who Anthony is. While Anthony did work with ABC News to go after some televangelists years ago, there have been more and more ex-members if his movement who have denounced him for running a cult himself. One ex-member, even wrote a book about the experience: “ I can’t hear God anymore”

Despite having this collaborator, Grassley went on to state that he was investigating these churches because they had private planes. His comment was that “Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey.” This is what made me look into this topic. That just didn’t sound like the Senator based on his history. But it certainly does sound like Ole Anthony. In fact, Senator, you look like the donkey that Ole Anthony just rode in on.

And that is why Senator Grassley wins the latest Chumpzilla award.

Senator, you are a Chump.