The Chumpzilla Award

April 23, 2008

John McCain, Candidate Chump

Todays Chumpzilla award goes to Jumpin’ Johnny McCain and his MCcainiacs.

The presumptive Republican candidate was not even able to muster 73% of the Repbulican vote in the Pennsylvania primary (boo, hisss, fizzle).

This is despite the fact that the media has already crowned him and buried all the others. Mike (I ain’t gonna run no more) Huckabee came in over 11% and Ron Paul (who is still in the race and keeps grinning like he has some kind of magic card up his sleeve, hmm, just what is he planning?) came in with a closed primary best of 16%.

So Johnny wants us to believe that he can rally the national vote against the tattered remnant candidate that comes out of the Democratic convention. With all the chamr ofa sleeping Bob Dole and half the masculinity of Hillary, he is saving his money (since he now has taken fedral mactching funds) while Hillary fiddles and Obama burns. His total turnout in PA (a hotly contested state in the last few p-dentials) was just over half of what Obama got in a losing bid.

In any case, if we had Hill, Bama, And Johnny in a boat and the boat sank, we know who would be saved: America.

Maybe “Across the aisle Johnny” has already cut a deal with the democrat super delegates? After all, we know that popular votes are now what really coiunt, don’t we?

In any case,  with a turn out as luke warm as the milk of magnesia on his night table, John McCain gets our Chumpzilla award today. But if i were a bettin’ man , I’d say that come election day, the candidate for the Chumpzilla Award may just be the average American.

 

April 22, 2008

Senator Charles Grassley, Crusading Chump

Several months ago, Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa decided that the senate has a vested interest in removing the separation of church and state by calling on the fiscal investigation of 6 large churches preaching what has been called the “prosperity gospel.”

Loosely translated, the gospel claims that our kind deity not only holds untold benefits for the fateful in the afterlife, but also in the here and now. Sounds reasonable unless you look at the past history of the Almighty. After all, he gave his chosen people Israel when Hawaii or Tahiti were there for the taking. What is up with that?

In any case Senator Grassley gets this chump award, not so much for targeting these churches, who are all suspiciously of the same denomination, but because of where he got his guidance. You can almost always smell a chump when some begins to use words and has actions that are not consistent with his past activities.

Senator Chump has a very conservative voting record. Not one that you would normally align with a person who attacks churches. He has been the chairman of the finance e committee and is its ranking member (on a side note, maybe having a Chump there is why we our economy is in such great shape).

Suddenly, last fall he decides to attack 6 very Republican churches (Benny Hinn, Kennteh Copeland and others).. Churches that have always been stalwarts of helping the Republican cause even before compassionate conservatism became something you could buy on a t-shirt. I am not saying that these churches are in anyway without an sort of blemish or fault. That is not the point of my story here, I am just curious as to why a senator would suddenly focus on a group of churches that are all espousing a philosophy different than his own

So yours truly did a little research and sure enough, there is a power behind the Chump.

A group in Dallas , calling it self the Trinity group (the name comes from the fact that started in offices on Trinity street and not from any known faith issue) run by a cantankerous anti-churcher name Ole Anthony (Ole is pronounced Oh-Lee like in the Wisconsin or Minnesota OLE and LENA jokes that poke fun at people of Swedish descent as in “Lena , why don’t we take both cows out of the barn to count them?”). Anthony was lionized in a New Yorker article back in 2004. He publishes the anti-Christian magazine, The Door.

Seems they are not new to the dumpster diving business when it comes to taking on churches. Anthony claims he gave a “VW full of documents to Grassley’s office.”

What really struck me though is that Grassley did not take the time to find out who Anthony is. While Anthony did work with ABC News to go after some televangelists years ago, there have been more and more ex-members if his movement who have denounced him for running a cult himself. One ex-member, even wrote a book about the experience: “ I can’t hear God anymore

Despite having this collaborator, Grassley went on to state that he was investigating these churches because they had private planes. His comment was that “Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey.” This is what made me look into this topic. That just didn’t sound like the Senator based on his history. But it certainly does sound like Ole Anthony. In fact, Senator, you look like the donkey that Ole Anthony just rode in on.

And that is why Senator Grassley wins the latest Chumpzilla award.

Senator, you are a Chump.

The Chumpzilla Award is Back……..!

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For several years i have been handing out Chumpzilla awards. The award goes to the person that has recently been the most taken in. it could be a politician taken in by advisors, a movie star badly manipulated by an agent (name a 5 letter word for pimp), or a whole nation taken in by nonexistent weapons of mass destruction (yes, you America, have been the recipient of a Chumpzilla Award).

Well after some time I began to get bored. Traffic to the site was down and I felt I was simply tooting my own horn (now, what could that be a euphemism for?).

But now I am back. Why? Well, maybe because I missed it. Maybe because my adoring fans bombarded me with emails telling me that I need keep naming the chumps out there. Maybe because the chumps deserve to have it pointed out to them. and maybe, just maybe, the occasional chump learns that he has been chumped and goes on to live a beter, chumpfree life.

So many chumps, so little time.

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